From Big Sister

            Well, my Dad told me he wanted me to put a post on the blog about how I have felt through this whole situation with Harper.  So I guess I'll just start at the beginning.  I was so excited when I found out my mom was pregnant!  The first thing that came to my mind was, "I'm going to have a little sister!"  Of course not even thinking it might be a boy.  Before we found out what we were having I wanted to buy all of the clothes, big bows, and anything that was for a little girl.  As soon as we knew she was a girl, that just made me want to do that all the more.  I got to be in the room when my mom had Harper.  That was one of the neatest experiences ever, because that was MY little sister.  That day when the pediatrician came in to do the checkup he said that she showed signs of down syndrome.  I didn't really know what to think.  Should I be angry, upset, happy?  Then I started hearing stuff about kids with down syndrome, and that's when I became upset.  I had this perfect idea of a little sister.  We would do make-up, hair, go shopping, talk about boys, and everything sisters do, but so far nothing matched up with my idea of what I thought she should be.  The next week I started realizing that even though she wasn't perfect in the world's eyes, she was in God's, and my dad asked me how I felt about it.  So I told him, "Obviously this is what God wants.  I mean we prayed so hard that she wouldn't be down syndrome, and she is.  If God had wanted her to be anything else, that's what He would've done, and I would rather have a sister that is in God's plan and not so perfect to the world rather than a sister out of God's plan and perfect to the world."  We had prayed about it and learned that she was going to be a bigger blessing to us than we ever could imagine.  Then about 4 months later we learned about her skull.  That hurt more than the down syndrome, because I had thought that if I accept her just the way she is and love her because she is still perfect to me then God will see that and nothing else bad will happen, but it did.  Why would God make a baby so perfect have this problem?  He knew how excited I was about having a little sister.    
I had talked to Mrs. Megan about it and she told me that this would be hard, but in the end it would be an incredible testimony.  That's when I started feeling a peace about it.  I didn't and still don't know exactly why it had to happen this way, but God knows exactly what he is doing.  People pray, "Let them have a peace that passes all understanding."  I didn't really know what that meant until yesterday in the waiting room.  Even though Harper was in surgery I wasn't worried, maybe a little bit anxious for her to get out though.  She is the most beautiful, sweet baby to me and I wouldn't change anything about her.  I'm excited for her to grow up so I can see how she will touch other peoples lives.  I'm not really sure if this is what my dad wanted, but it's too late now.
                       --Kara